Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize