It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
