it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
