He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
