Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
