I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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