a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize