So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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