You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
