The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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