508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
