Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
