Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize