I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
