If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
