I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
