I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
