Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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