You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
