I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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