either way he was missing a nipple.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
