it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
