Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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