people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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