Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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