he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
