Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
