this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
