dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
