i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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