well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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