Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
