i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
