All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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