I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
