I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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