Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
