I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
