So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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