Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
