You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
