Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
