Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who died my cat blue again?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
