i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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