Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
