Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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