Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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