C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
