Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
