I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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