Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
