I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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