please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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