Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
