am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
