3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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