her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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