I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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