youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
