I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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