hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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