...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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