We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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