Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
