New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
