Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
